25 Days of Reflection Before Turning 25 Years Old

Day 2 - March 2nd: Forgiveness

The exercise that I have taken this from states that this should be a private reflection. But I am picking up the courage to share this post. No matter how terrifying it may be. Who knows, maybe someone might read this and find that piece of bravery that was lingering inside of them all of along to do the unthinkable...to forgive.

 

I forgive myself.
I forgive my younger self.
I forgive my younger self for not knowing how to hold all the part of me.
I forgive my younger self for not knowing how to hold all the parts of me when discovering my identity was the most terrifying thing at 18.
I forgive my younger self for contemplating suicide.
I forgive my younger self for harming my body with drugs.
I forgive my younger self for being so self depricating.
I forgive my younger self for not loving herself.

I forgive Drea.
I forgive Drea for being in love with another heart.
I forgive Drea for not knowing what she wants.
I forgive myself for holding onto the idea of her for so long.
I forgive my 19 year old self for believing that was love.

I forgive my parents.
I forgive my parents for having a broken marriage.
I forgive my parents for not knowing how to communicate.
I forgive my parents for being an amazing mother and father but a horrible wife and husband.

I forgive Brit.
I forgive Brit for her relationship with drinking.
I forgive Brit for being that shade of my father that I can't stand.
I forgive my father.
I forgive Brit for having a comfortable mentality that took its time with her process.
I forgive myself for being spiritually and creatively stagnant while in that relationship.

I forgive myself.

I forgive ancestors
I forgive my ancestors for cutting off their native tongues.
I forgive my ancestors for cutting off their native tongues to survive in a western world.
I forgive myself for not learning the tongue they once spoke.
I forgive myself for feeling ashamed whenever in a room full of prideful people.
I forgive myself for wrestling in with my mixed identity for so long.

I forgive myself for comparing my journey to those around me.
I forgive myself for being spiteful to those who have achieved more creatively than me
I forgive myself for being resentful to those who took credit for my work.
I forgive those who took credit for my work.
I forgive myself for hating the community when it feels as though I am the only one working.
I forgive those in the community who critique our work but do nothing to help improve it.
I forgive the people in my life who do not take care of themselves
I forgive the people in my life for not seeking active help like therapy or AA to take care of themselves.
I forgive those who do not notice that they are hurting the community by not seeking professional assistance.
I forgive myself for not being brave enough to confront those people.
I forgive myself for being non-confrontational.

I forgive myself.
I forgive myself today.
I forgive myself today in order to put these feelings of resentment behind me.
I forgive myself today to release the clouds that shroud my vision.
I forgive myself today because I know I will need to forgive myself in the future.
I forgive myself.
 

Jocelyn NgComment